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Wednesday, July 24, 2024
HomeLocal MarketingSkilled Focus: website positioning Home of Horrors

Skilled Focus: website positioning Home of Horrors

It’s a darkish and stormy night time, there’s a chill down your backbone and a way of foreboding within the air. To rejoice Friday the thirteenth, we determined to dive into the crypt of native website positioning horror tales, the place the scariest tales come to life.

We summoned our courageous neighborhood to share their most spine-tingling, hair-raising, and downright terrifying native website positioning experiences. Put together to be haunted by consumer catastrophes, cursed Google Enterprise Profiles, and advertising tales which might be greatest informed beneath the cloak of darkness. Learn on for those who dare!


Claire "The Crypt Keeper" Carlile

Claire “The Crypt Keeper” Carlile

Native website positioning Skilled
at BrightLocal

Along with Greg’s completely terrifying Q&As, Claire discovered much more horrifying solutions on a Google Enterprise Profile. 

As you’ll be able to see, one native automobile dealership’s poor customer support was dropped at the forefront of their GBP Q&A piece. Certainly answering the cellphone isn’t as scary as they suppose? 

Image (3) Image (9) 

Within the phrases of Stephen King, “inns are superstitious locations. No thirteenth flooring or room 13, no mirrors on the again of the door you are available in by means of, stuff like that.”

Nevertheless, the Stanley Resort that impressed his ebook, The Shining, is making good use of their Q&A piece, with friends asking the all-important questions. 

Screenshot 2023 10 12 At 11.30.23


Melissa "Poltergeist" Popp

Melissa “Poltergeist” Popp

Content material Technique Director
at RicketyRoo

“RicketyRoo welcomed a consumer fleeing from an evil previous company, a villain that had orchestrated an unholy contract, claiming copyright possession over every bit of content material on the consumer’s present web site. Like an eerie ghost story the place the antagonist traps the harmless in a haunted mansion, this company had the consumer ensnared in a authorized nightmare, forcing them to relinquish their very own digital dwelling.

“The fear didn’t cease there. As we hurried to recreate their web site, we felt the haunting stress of the clock ticking ominously, understanding the earlier company’s shadow loomed giant. This unsettling episode wasn’t only a leap scare however a full-length horror movie that unfolded proper earlier than our eyes. We managed to exorcise the consumer’s digital demons, however the worry for our business—now revealed to have its personal set of lurking monsters—nonetheless lingers.”


“Here’s a Native website positioning horror story I feel many can relate to!!

“It takes rather a lot to scare me, however when a consumer sends an e-mail that they’ve moved their workplace tackle with out consulting their website positioning staff I get instantaneous chills down my backbone.

“The chills solely worsen upon checking the brand new tackle once we uncover it occurs to be positioned within the SAME constructing as a number of the hardest competitors of their business. This state of affairs would make even the bravest native SEOs need to run and conceal.

“Seems ALL the harm attorneys within the space hire workplaces in the identical constructing the consumer simply moved into… guess PI attorneys get a great deal on hire there 🙃 Cue the Psycho model scream as I understand I might want to clarify to the consumer how the native filter was now going to be working OVERTIME on their itemizing and their rankings have been going to take successful. Making main enterprise selections with out consulting your website positioning staff? Now THAT’S scary!!”

All These Pins Are Lawuers


“A former PPC consumer despatched somebody to my residence to threaten me. The consumer thought I used to be clicking on his advertisements. He added single key phrase, broad match and upped the finances to $5k/day. I fastened it, and he despatched me a industrial grade Vitamix that was utilized in a Burger King promo. Nonetheless have it!”


“I’m conscious of a web site that has 200+ “key phrases” added in an exceptionally small font on the underside of each single web page (not a footer; custom-made to every web page). I assumed that went out in 2010 2005. 😂”


Dana "Dastardly" DiTomaso

Dana “Dastardly” DiTomaso

President & Accomplice
at Kick Level

“[I once had] a consumer who initially needed to deal with natural visitors will increase however then didn’t truly say what they do at their firm on their web site, of their advertising supplies, actually anyplace in any respect. 😱”

In our newest webinar, Ben Fisher shared a rotten instance of a enterprise who created their very own enterprise signage to get their GBP verified… This led to a suspension, and everyone knows there’s no worse native website positioning horror story than a GBP suspension! 


Celeste "Gory" Gonzalez

Celeste “Gory” Gonzalez

website positioning Strategist
at RicketyRoo

“A consumer demanded to know why they didn’t obtain the identical quantity of leads as they did the yr earlier than once they had by no means carried out website positioning earlier than or tracked leads from their web site. Their leads from the earlier yr got here from their paper flyers, Fb teams, and NextDoor posts. Then that very same consumer then additionally was upset about Google Advertisements leads coming from the situation radius that he had set and confirmed with our PPC staff.”


Krystal "Fang" Taing

Krystal “Fang” Taing

Options Engineer, Strategic Partnerships
at Uberall

“I as soon as had a multi-location eyeglass retailer the place a buyer spammed their listings and added photos of Lord Voldemort in glasses to about 50 totally different places. This was enjoyable reporting and escalating to Google! “

“Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

The Fly (1986)

Even Extra Tales from the Internet-keepers

We additionally requested our neighborhood of native SEOs for his or her spooky tales, and let’s simply say, you may need to sit down studying a few of these; they’re assured to scare the hell out of you (or at the least make you snort!). 

Nina P, website positioning Woman shared:

“The eCommerce [I owned] bought identical intercourse marriage ceremony desk decorations, like Mr & Mr / Mrs & Mrs. Nevertheless, it’s a website I constructed which had my dwelling workplace tackle [on it]. Placing it on Google Maps was a dreadful mistake. We had swingers knocking on the door asking to purchase latex clothes and wanting to return in. I nonetheless have an answerphone message with a cell phone quantity asking me whether or not I’d like some enjoyable this weekend!”

Nina adopted up with one other story…

“I used to be in Tunisia on vacation with my faculty good friend and ingesting wine by the pool when my cellphone pinged and it was the entrance door CCTV. A really dapper older gentleman with white hair, a leather-based man bag and golf umbrella was ready.

“My husband answered the door, there was a brief trade, and the door slammed leaving the gentleman standing there for a second.

“My cellphone pinged, hubby was livid. Marriage ending mad. “WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?” and I needed to put down my wine.

“The gent had politely enquired what vary of butt plugs we had in inventory, and will he are available in to try our toys. What shocked us each is that we’re on a residential road with no store entrance. 

“My husband thought I used to be having an affair! I defined about Google Enterprise and in 15 years not one individual has come knocking on our door to talk with the website positioning Woman. Clearly I’d underestimated the gravitas of naming my enterprise which was named Similar Intercourse Presents on Maps and Fb.  

“After I bought dwelling I hid our tackle. The area and eCommerce website are on the market 😉.” 

Ash Nallawalla defined:

“I didn’t hold a screenshot, however my detailed examine of a financial institution’s GBPs confirmed a horror story that had not been picked up. Google had scrambled up entries of many entities. e.g. Financial institution A’s ATM confirmed the tackle of Financial institution B or of Financial institution C, all on the identical web page. Throughout the identical Google glitch, I misplaced my very own “Melbourne website positioning” rating in GBP to a competitor on the identical flooring of our constructing. Their photographs have been proven amongst ours and the 2 addresses have been combined up.”

Stefan Janjić Lozo informed us: 

“There’s an auto wrecker and spare elements enterprise in Serbia the place the critiques on the enterprise have gotten a meme within the area.”

A observe from BrightLocal:

Upon additional investigation, we discovered the proprietor of the enterprise is simply plain impolite to his prospects! We’ll hold the enterprise nameless, however as you’ll be able to see from the 1-star overview under, he’s actually left a curse on his prospects!

This, in flip, has led to an onslaught of critiques from these commending his rudeness, and as Stefan says, has changed into a little bit of a meme.

The web site even particulars at size, how to not behave and talk with him. The interpretation consists of “Please don’t name us earlier than 9am and after 9pm. Most individuals know when to name, however there are additionally those that for some cause suppose it’s okay to name within the morning at 6am or within the night after 11pm!?” 

Screenshot 2023 10 12 At 10.16.08 Screenshot 2023 10 12 At 10.16.18 Screenshot 2023 10 12 At 10.16.44

“The fear, which might not finish for one more twenty-eight years—if it ever did finish—started…”

Stephen King, It (1986) 🎈

And with that, we shut the ebook on spooky tales, cover the ebook in a locked field, and hold the locked field effectively out of sight. Have an incredible Friday thirteenth, and bear in mind to keep away from breaking mirrors, crossing black cats, or getting your GBP suspended.

Jenny Bernarde

Jenny takes care of the BrightLocal neighborhood, by means of managing our social media channels, connecting with our neighborhood, and producing our on-line webinars.



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